Valentine’s Day was last week. As I smelled the lovely roses I purchased for over $50, I wondered how survivalists will find love after the fall of civilization. Many people will be single when civilization collapses and/or a wife/husband/partner can die from a disease or injury. No matter the circumstance, you may find yourself single and ready to mingle.
But how do you find a sexual partner after the fall of civilization?
The internet probably won’t exist, so all those convenient hookup (aka “dating”) apps won’t work[1]. That means you’ll have to find a mate the old-fashioned way… in person.
How can we meet someone after the SHTF?
Depending on how civilization ends and your geographic location, the average survivalist should have plenty of opportunities to interact with others. However, if you’re a bunker-lurker[2], this means you’ll have to leave the safety of your underground compound.
Markets
Even the most prepared prepper will eventually need something they cannot forage, scavenge, or make themselves, so you’ll eventually find yourself at a market. I wrote an article a couple years ago about how Post-Apocalypse Markets might be organized and what could be found there. What I didn’t cover in that article is how they’ll be great places to meet and interact with others.
While trading for essentials, you could chat and flirt with a cute shopkeeper. This sort of interaction is beneficial for you and whomever you’re trying to “date.” Both of you can easily see what resources the other person can grow, make, or easily acquire based on what they are trading.
If none of the shopkeepers or traders strike your fancy, go hang out at the local drinking establishment and flirt with people there.
Bars or Drinking Establishments
People go to bars to drink and be social. It stands to reason that going to bars will be the easiest way people will find sexual partners, or maybe a spouse after civilization collapses.
A bar is the perfect setting to meet someone and figure out if they’re a compatible romantic interest because alcohol serves as a natural social lubricant. It helps people take chances they normally wouldn’t and open up about themselves.
Whether or not you’ll get lucky on the first encounter at a bar depends on how bad things are after the SHTF. If we are in a war-torn wasteland, the other person may be guarded and may not want to go home with you until you have a few dates.
Or, the opposite could be true. The situation could be so bad that some people will develop an outlook on life akin to: “eat, drink, and be merry [fuck], for tomorrow we may die.”
What if alcohol is banned by the local community or religion?
Every market and community will have a place for people to drink, even if it’s plain old water. Water is essential to life, so a water-well or public tap could be an opportunity to meet and chat with a potential lover. Just like the office water coolers in modern times, water could become a social medium to discuss the latest news and gossip.
Although, it’s not as fun as drinking at a tavern or bar.
What if you’re not Straight?
I personally think going to a gay bar will be extremely dangerous because of all the bigots who tend to live in rural parts of the nation. Even if it’s not immediately dangerous, someone will probably stake out the bar to ID patrons as they come and go. This will be bad for you if the religious fanatics decide they can get away with going after the “sodomites” living in their “good” religious community.
Bisexuals should be fine because they like both sexes and it’s easier to adapt if they happen to land in God’s country. If a bisexual person does get caught satisfying the same-sex urge, it will likely happen because of random bad luck.
Religion May Help
If you happen to be completely and entirely heterosexual, with no overt kinks, religious meetings could be another way to find a partner.
It may be even harder if the only chance you get to see someone is at a religious ceremony, because any sexual interest, desire, or activity is almost always a sin according to the major religions. If given the opportunity pious persons can become the most judgmental people on this earth. And may shun you for your pre-marital interest. Heaven-forbid you cast a lustrous gaze upon a beautiful person and someone sees it. The rumor-mill will be abuzz of your sinner’s ways and heaven-forbid you act upon a love-interest, You could be shunned as a sinful Jessabelle harlot of Satan.
The Basics of Finding a Date
You’ll have to meet your next boyfriend or girlfriend by socializing during excursions to a nearby trade hub or town, or at some sort of community gathering. Unfortunately, meeting someone like this is terribly inefficient compared to how easy it can be at a bar.
The chances of a romance developing from casual encounters are slim. You have to work hard at it and understand that your investment of time may not pay off. At minimum, you need to do the following:
- Capture someone’s attention and make them know you’re interested.
- Hope they’re interested too and work up the courage to ask them on a date.
- Work to keep that person interested enough to become a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner.
All of this will be difficult after civilization collapses.
Attention and Interest
You’ll have to get the attention of the person you’re attracted to by checking out and flirting with them. This will be no easy task because everyone who has survived the collapse of civilization will have their guard up and be wary of manipulation. So, not only do you have to get their attention, but you must break through the shell they erected to defend themselves.
Now, let’s be honest. Getting someone’s attention and making them trust you enough is much easier if you’re physically fit and good-looking. It also helps if you’re young[3].
Hold on! Hold on!
Of course, there will be exceptions to the age part of courting someone. I’ve even seen men as old as 50 to 60 who are sexy AF. So, obviously, genetics and fitness plays a role in physical attractiveness. However, physical attractiveness isn’t everything.
A person can look like they fell and hit every branch of the ugly-tree, and still be successful in finding a lover. It may simply mean that you’ll have to work harder to attract someone through deeds and displays of affection.
Cultural standards may play a role in how attractive someone is. After the SHTF, obesity may indicate a person is skilled at providing for a family or is wealthy. Having a shaved face may have the same affect.
With that said, capturing the attention of some people will be impossible because their beauty standards may be stuck in the past, from before the SHTF. They are holding out for something that may not exist.
Just remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Act on It
You will have to be more observant than usual to pick up on clues that someone is attracted to you. You may get it wrong and be hurt, so it will be a risky endeavor. And if your gay, you’ve got to hope and pray they are too, or at least tolerant (so they don’t gay-bash or kill you).
Let’s hope the stars are aligned and both of you share a mutual attraction.
Date
Once you get the date, you’ll have to turn on the charm even more than before. You need to stand out from all the other prospects and sell yourself as the best possible mate this person has a hope in finding.
Dinner and a movie is a classic date in the world before the SHTF, but movie theaters won’t exist and you probably won’t have a choice when it comes to where you can eat. This is the perfect opportunity to show how thoughtful and affectionate you can be.
If you happen to own a functioning laptop or phone with a downloaded movie[4], impress your date with this relic of technology. But you probably won’t have such devices, so go on an evening stroll through a garden or to a nearby body of water. The scenery will set the mood and help keep the date moving.
The date may not end with a simple romantic outing if both of you really enjoyed each other’s company. You may be invited to “stay the night,” which is a great opportunity to stand out from the competition[5].
Regardless of what happens, the surest sign that you have a new love in your life is when the date ends with a promise to have another.
Caution about STDs
I’ll close with a few words of caution. Condoms may not be as widely available as they are now, which means STD infections are going to increase. This will be especially true when access to once-common testing, treatments and cures run out or become impossible to find.
Another troubling fact is that chronic diseases like HIV, which is treatable with medications so effective that people can live an average lifespan. Once access to such medications is lost, those patients who were previously “undetectable” in testing will become infectious.
It’s not just HIV, which has been stigmatized as a gay disease. Some STDs were commonly called “venereal diseases” because straight people (and women) get STDs too.
Be careful out there.
A Brief Note about Sexual Crimes and Other Acts
After a civilization-ending disaster, the lack of law and order will cause some people to start committing crimes or other evil acts simply because they can. The crimes will start with theft and murder, but will quickly escalate to the point that heinous crimes could become pervasive throughout the land. Monstrous crimes, such as rape will almost certainly occur if civilization were to fall and may even devolve into sexual slavery.
While worth noting, I don’t want that method of finding a “mate” to be the focus of this article.
Another thing I don’t want to think of, but I must at least mention is… bestiality. This gross sexual act or sin[6] has been committed throughout history and will likely occur after the fall of civilization. I really don’t want to dwell on this, but I must also point out that bestiality is a potential vector for zoonotically transmitted diseases to spread throughout a human community.
[1] Online Dating: I’m a millennial, and know what it was like at the dawn of the internet. I turned 18 in 2003, when sex-apps didn’t exist. People were still using chat rooms to find casual sex. I remember the two hookups I arranged on Manhunt and the rough lessons they taught me about old pics. The convenience of opening an app to find a sexual partner will not be available until around 2010.
When I FINALLY turned 21, I dropped chat rooms and web-based dating sites in favor of going out to bars and finding sexual partners in person. I was smoking hot, so this was much more efficient… even after dating/sex apps became a thing.
[2] Bunker-Lurker: This is a term I came up with that was inspired by all survivalists who think living in a bunker will be the only way to survive. They tend to have no qualms over trolling others about how anyone without a fully stocked bunker is going to die. These people may be rich and built their bunker using their savings. However, they may be in crippling debt and are banking on civilization to collapse, so their debts are wiped away.
[3] Youthful Sexiness: I am very aware that I may have insulted a large part of the typical survivalist demographic. It is not the intention of the author to insult or disparage anyone. Many of my articles are based on knowledge of human nature and may contain inconvenient details based on provable facts, which may not appeal to the sensitivities of some people.
I have faith that, as survivalists, you will overcome and survive this because it is not my job to tip-toe around anyone’s sensitivities.
[4] Movies after the SHTF: The type of movie people watch after the fall of civilization will not matter much. After many months or years of living in primitive conditions, anything movie will be entertaining… even silent films (which I love to watch).
[5] Staying the Night: I think one of the reasons why some gays find it easier than others to keep men interested, before the collapse of civilization, is because men already know what other men want. “Always fuck on the first date” is a well-known saying and such advice may work for heterosexual women as well.
However, please use your best judgement if you find yourself in a religious community that shuns premarital sex. Also, please be careful if you find yourself in a community that does not approve of “sexual deviance” of any sort.
[6] Sin: If you happen to believe in such things, bestiality is a sin according to the Bible, in Leviticus 18, Verse 23. It’s right under the homosexuality phrase.
Edwords wOrcs 