CAUTION: This article may not be a good read for those who are squeamish. If you happen to be one of those people, I hope you somehow manage to survive. For the rest of you… read on.

There will be a lot of changes after the SHTF, including the way we use the toilet.

There may come a time when the water stops running and you can only afford to flush when it’s absolutely necessary. That means, we may have to learn to tolerate urine left in the toilet bowl and only flush when solid waste is expelled. Perhaps adopting a 1-flush per day system will become common.

But what if the toilet completely stops working?

For example, the city services we take for granted probably won’t be operational. It’s possible the sewage system could become overwhelmed or clogged, and cause raw sewage to back-flow into your toilet. A similar situation can happen if your septic tank is full.

That would be a shitty situation to be in, so I hope you invested in a backflow preventer because this article does not cover how to stop something like that if it happens.

Regardless of how your toilet stops functioning, how do you plan on handling your waste? Let’s go over a few ways a survivalist might have to piss and poo after the SHTF.

Getting rid of Urine

Urine is easy to get rid of. All you have to do is pee and the ground will soak it up. Evaporation or rain will remove whatever’s left. One of my favorite ways to douse a campfire is to pee on the embers, but that trick won’t work for women.

Water the Bushes

Peeing on or near a bush or tree is nice because it provides privacy for the pee-shy. However, too much urea will kill most plants and sometimes even large trees. If this is how your family plans to urinate, then it would be a good idea to alternate which plants get “watered” so they remain healthy.

Dealing with Shit

Solid waste is the most difficult byproduct to deal with in a survival situation, and it could become a health hazard if not handled properly. Most of this article will describe the many ways you can dispose of poop if civilization collapses.

If you don’t have land, you may be shit out of luck.

Shit in the Woods

Does a bear shit in the woods? lol

This “bear” does while camping sometimes. Basically, you dig a shallow hole, shit, then bury it.

Unfortunately, this may be too much work for some people. So, you’ll eventually end up with a shitty mess if you keep shitting in the same area. Not only will it be stinky, but there’s a risk of contaminating the surrounding area with bacteria like E. coli.

Oh yeah, if you’re the lazy sort, you’ll have to watch out for landmines. Do you remember the last time you stepped on dog poo?

Similar situation, but worse.

Shit Creek

Want to make your own shit-creek someone can go up without a paddle? This may sound like a good idea, because your waste conveniently floats away. However, have you considered the possibility that someone else might be doing the same thing further upstream?

Also, where are you getting your water? Is it from this creek?

Well, at least there are ways to purify and make the water safe for consumption.

Composting Litterbox

Similar to a cat’s litter box, you could dispose of solid waste in a compost toilet. Simply do your business and add a layer of dry, moisture absorbing material to dehydrate the mess.

You can even take the waste elsewhere to decompose into compost for a garden.

Outhouse

An outhouse is similar to a composting toilet. Instead of converting the waste into usable fertilizer for a garden, it gets buried.

Pick a spot for the outhouse and dig a deep and wide pit. Build a small shack on top of the pit. The shack should have a wide-open bottom, which is enclosed with a box-like toilet. Be sure to build the shack with skids to make it easier to move once the pit is full. It’s always a good idea to cover the waste after each use with sawdust, leaves, or ash. This helps reduce the smell and promotes decomposition.

Torch it!

It’s possible to burn shit out of existence. The key word is, possible. You can’t just light shit on fire because it’s full of water. However, it can be tossed into a roaring fire to be burned away in small batches. It takes time for the water to boil off, but the poop will eventually burn with wood or other flammable rubbish.

Why would you want to burn shit in such a way?

Shoveling shit onto a roaring bonfire could help empty a filling outhouse pit. This may be necessary in the middle of winter, when the soil is frozen harder than concrete and you can’t dig a new pit.

Clean that Shit Off!

We covered the many ways a survivalist might be forced to relieve the urge when nature calls, but how will we clean that shit off? Supplies of toilet paper will eventually run out, so we’ll need to use other things to wipe ourselves clean.

According to historians:

• The ancient Romans used a communal sponge on a stick.
• Coastal communities used seashells to scrape themselves clean.
• Other cultures used leaves and corn husks before toilet paper was invented.

I don’t think anyone wants to share a communal sponge and I can’t get past the thought of cutting my delicate ass with something as sharp as a seashell. Leaves are okay, but watch out for poison ivy/oak.

Here’s a couple more ideas on how to wipe yourself clean during a shitty situation.

Cloth

Worn out cloth has been used to get clean after using the restroom for hundreds of years. According to my father, cloth is still used by lumberjacks and other woodsmen. If they’ve got to go while out in the woods, they rip off a strip of the shirt sleeves they’re wearing to wipe clean. If a guy came back from the woods with an uneven shirt, you knew to watch your step in the area he was working.

Similarly, an old rag could be used as a toilet paper at home. The lumberjacks in my dad’s story just left their soiled rags in the woods, but you can’t afford to be so wasteful after the SHTF. If you clean yourself with a rag, you must thoroughly wash it immediately after with bleach or vinegar to be reused when you need it next time.

Water

I love the bidets my family uses at home. They clean better and faster than toilet paper does. Plus, it’s been nice saving money on toilet paper since we only use it to dry off and double-check cleanliness. Unfortunately, running water may not work after the SHTF and we’ll have to use other methods.

If you happen to live near a body of water, it’s a good idea to use it to clean yourself after a bathroom break. Remove the bottom half of your cloths and wade into a stream, river, pond, lake, or even an ocean. Squat down and rub the soiled area until clean. If you’re particularly squeamish, grab a river stone and use it to scrub the area.

Which is the best method of waste disposal?

It depends.

I like recycling and reusing things, so turning solid waste into compost for a garden sounds like a great way to dispose of it. However, that probably won’t be a method used by most people simply because they can’t get past the gross factor.

For people like that, the next best thing is to build an outhouse and dig a deep hole to shit in. Then bury that shit like a dirty secret. You know, kind of like when you went looking for your best football bud at a party… and found him outside kissing another guy.

Nobody gives a shit if it stays buried.

Oh yeah. No matter how you do your business, just remember to wash your hands and bathe after the SHTF. A forthcoming article will cover how our bathing habits might have to change.