Swine Flu vs. Covid-19

This is an old sociopolitical commentary I recently found tucked away in a safe from about 12 years ago, when Swine Flu[1] was a thing. 

I think Americans need to be terrified of Swine Flu, because, Americans are pigs.

  • Americans are pigs because we eat and eat till our glutenous bodies expand. We are such pigs, that over half of the population is overweight or obese. 
  • Some men are pigs because of the way they chase after sexual partners.
  • Politicians… oh there’s a lot of swine there. Pork-barrel spending is evidence they are feeding their piglet constituents.
  • I really don’t like calling the police pigs, but the old nickname has been around for decades, so I must include it. 

Most Americans are swine, and should be terrified of the Swine Flu.

It turns out the Swine Flu didn’t amount to much back then, but now we have Covid-19, also known as the Coronavirus. Us freedom-loving Americans really know how to manage a pandemic. Enough so, that people have gone out of their way to help our society as we fight the Coronavirus. 

  • People have shared video on social media of them pouring Corona beers down the drain.
  • People wore lingerie on their faces when told to wear face coverings.  
  • Common people have tried a psychosomatic approach to treating the disease by providing their expert analysis to convince people Covid-19 is a hoax. How can you get sick from a disease that only exists in the minds of others? Many of these experts shared “evidence” from their conspiracy-theorist uncle whose brain is so powerful, he has to hide from the government in a basement, at an undisclosed location. 
  • As a show of support, many people assembled, unmasked, in large groups for parties. Similarly, many others assembled for protests or riots (depending on who you ask). Both had the gall to blame the inevitable surge of cases on 2020’s Memorial Day Weekend when there was little evidence to support their claims. 
  • When a vaccine became available, many Americans graciously allowed others to take the vaccine before them. Many people think these are the real reason why they don’t want to get vaccinated.
    • Some thought it would impinge on their civil liberties. 
    • Some theorized about a massive tracking program to keep tabs on them. (If you’re that worried, stop using your phone. The number 1 way to track you and your activities is through your phone. Also, what criminal activities are you involved with that makes you so scared of being tracked?) 
    • Some stated they were worried the vaccine was a massive medical experiment and they were being targeted because of their ethnicity. While, on the same breath, the same people bemoaned that other communities had higher vaccination rates. 
    • Some said the vaccine was rushed and were worried about side effects (cue the memes ending with: “… you may be entitled for compensation”). 
    • All want the vaccine when it’s too late. All ask for the vaccine when they are carted into an ICU for contracting the hoax disease.

I was wrong back in 2009. It wasn’t the swine flu Americans needed to worry about. It’s not Covid-19 we should be worried about either…

It’s our own stupidity.


[1] Swine Flu is also known as H1N1.

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